Hope
"Here is what a lot of people dont get: The opposite of happiness is not anger or sadness. If you're angry or sad, that means you still give a fuck about something. That means something still matters. That means you still have hope. No, the opposite of happiness is hopelessness, an endless grey horizon of resignation and indifference. It's the belief that everything is fucked, so why do anything at all?"
Losing Hope
One of the most prolific writers of recent times passed away on March 9th, 1994. His novels sold in the millions, and his stories provided laughter for a wide audience. He achieved something that most authors can only dream of – actually selling books. Imagine that. Reaching an incredible amount of success, and achieving his goals in life. But here’s the catch, he was probably one of the most miserable people to ever exist. This man was Charles Bukowski. Charles didn’t exactly have the easiest life. His father beat his ass for the sole reason of inflicting pain. When his father wasn’t beating his ass he was cheating on his wife. Charles’ only friends growing up were degenerates and cripples because they saw things in Charles that they saw in themselves – hopelessness. Charles didn’t like most people, he was a loner and a drunk. The only friend that he liked hanging out with was this one-armed kid, and he enjoyed his company for the simple reason that he didn’t talk much. The neighborhood he grew up in was riddled with poverty, depression, hookers, and alcohol.
In his one novel, Ham on Rye, he recalls a time where one of his friends had his father commit suicide. Sounds horrible right? Well in his town this was business as usual. See what actually happened was the father was currently separated from his wife because she had enough of his shit. He called his wife on the phone and only asked one question: “If you say no, I am going to shoot myself. Will you take me back?”. She responded simply with, “no”. There was a loud bang, then nothing. His wife took a drag of her cigarette, then got up and made lunch. A week later Charles’ friend got a letter in the mailbox, it was from his father. Before he shot himself in the face with a shotgun, he sent over a large check with money he owed his wife. The friend saw this, ripped up the check, and threw it in the street. Charles asked, “hey didn’t your father just kill himself recently?”. His friend replies, “yes”. Charles then says, “Damn. You wanna go play football?”, and they both nod and went to go play.
So what’s the point of all of this? Who really gives a shit? Well you see, the man didn’t blast himself in his cranium because he was sad. It was not because he was angry. Those were biproducts of a far worse emotion. Something that takes the lives of people around the world every single day. This condition is what we talked about before, hopelessness. Even though sadness and despair plagued this town, people were still able to get through the day and move on because they had hope in something. Whether that something be drugs, sex, liquor, or gambling, there was the hope that they can chase that next rush, or sense of purpose, no matter how little or stupid it was. The father had one last chance to get the last thing that he ever wanted, and hoped for, his wife. When she said no, his last hope in the entire world died right there and in his mind he believed, “why do anything at all anymore”.
Using Hope
Michael King was a man born to sharecroppers in Georgia. He spent his days working until he decided to pursue his goals. He looked around, said “fuck this shit I’m out”, and walked all the way to Atlanta where he began going to school to become a pastor. There he met the love of his life, Alberta, and they married and had three children – a daughter named Christine, a son named A.D., and another son named, yes you guessed it (or not), Martin Luther King Jr. Under the guidance of his father, Martin Luther King pursued an education in Theology, and started to become more and more aware of the civil rights issues that were going on at the time. See, since 1877 there was a set of laws called the, “Jim Crow Laws”. If you paid any attention in history (No I didn’t. It’s okay), the Jim Crow Laws set rules and regulations for where African Americans can congregate, and thus added to the overwhelming amount of segregation that was occurring at the time. Naturally, when you tell someone, “You are not allowed to piss here because there is something about you that I don’t like that you cannot control”, people will get PISSED and seek freedom from oppression. Martin Luther King, as you know, ended up taking that idea and leading others take action.
On April 12th, 1963 Martin Luther King held a peaceful protest which was called The Good Friday Demonstration. This protest was directed towards the injustices that he and many other African Americans were facing at the time. As a result of this protest, everyone clapped and cheered and racism ended on that very day he and many other protestors were thrown in jail. While in jail, someone smuggled in a copy of the newspaper and gave it to MLK. The front page was titled, “A Call For Unity”, and it was written by a multitude of congressmen. The jist of it was basically saying, “yea brothers we get you are mad and all, but just keep that shit to yourselves right now”. Or more specifically, here’s a direct quote:
“However, we are now confronted by a series of demonstrations by some of our Negro citizens, directed and led in part by outsiders. We recognize the natural impatience of people who feel that their hopes are slow in being realized. But we are convinced that these demonstrations are unwise and untimely.”
These congressmen knew they saw something growing in people of color across the nation. Something so terrifying and impactful that they had to make sure every ounce of it was immidiently destroyed and unrecoverable in order to protect their own ideals. What they saw was hope. Not in themselves, but to those they looked at as unequal or less. This rising hope rang deeply within their own insecurities and identities.
"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
But Martin Luther King never gave up hope. He knew the value of what he had. He used his hope as a tool to push him into achieving his goals. Nothing and nobody could have deviated him from his path because his hope was so deeply embedded within himself. Amongst the vast amount of insults, death threats, and assassination’s attempts coming his way, he was unwavering in his stance because he had a dream, he had hope. Whereas before, people did not rise against the injustices they were facing because there wasn’t a man or woman that was able to take the spotlight and give them what they needed. What they needed was a glimmer of that sunshine that creeps in through the cracks of your window early in the morning. That thing that makes you smile after a long day of work. That beautiful flower rising and growing through the mud. Martin Luther King was that sunshine, that smile, and that flower. When he was eventually murdered, what he put into people with his words and actions set off a chain reaction. His life had meaning, his death had impact, and his words had immortality. The result of instilling hope in a just cause cannot be overstated, as it is the only thing in this world that can create a direct link from thoughts to action.
Abusing Hope
"Perhaps the greatest psychological, spiritual, and medical need that all people have is the need for hope."
Now, I said all of this stuff and made hope seem like it is a steroid for the mind. But it is also important that people recognize how dangerous hope can be when placed in the wrong hands, or put in the wrong idea. Let’s say you put your hope in the idea that in the middle of the winter, an ice cream truck is going to come down your street and give you that ice cream pop that you have been absolutely craving for weeks now. Now, because you are insanely irrational, you use this hope to prepare your mind, body, and soul for this ice cream truck. You start working out to pre-emptively start burning those calories. You go out and buy a suit because you want to look good and ready for when that annoying hunk of metal comes down your street and starts playing the jingle from the speakers. So you wait… and you wait… still waiting… Well fuck it’s spring now and you put your hope in a unrealistic variable. Now you are depressed, have nothing to live for, and the shotgun in the closet seems super enticing now. Okay a bit extreme but you get my point. Put your hope in things that are within your control to change.
This misuse of hope can most easily be seen in breakups. There is a reason why people commonly feel EXTRA miserable a month after losing someone they love as opposed to the first couple of weeks. Reality doesn’t start to set in until you begin to really feel the loss. You still cling onto hope that they will come back because you have this perception that this is temporary. But as the weeks pass and you hear nothing, with each passing day your hope dies. When it is finally completely gone you are left with nothing but yourself, a hopeless heartbroken mess. This is the dangers of hope. Placing it in variables that are out of control. It’s a mirror of grief yet worse. When someone dies, you can immidiently begin to heal because you have no hope they come back from the dead, so the pain you feel from the hopelessness is in a tight short window. You can’t hope that the ice cream truck comes to your doorstep in the same way you can’t hope that your ex does. You can’t control things that have no desire to adhere to your personal interests. Martin Luther King did because he had a multitude of people that were open, willing, and ready to listen and take action. If you are going to use hope to attain a new goal, use it as a tool, and with the understanding that tools are malleable, and can become broken and lost.
Refusing Hope
"Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never merely as a means to an end, but always at the same time an end."
The internet these days are riddled with YouTube videos of losers showing off their philanthropical acts of God by giving money to homeless people and then shedding a tear into the camera before screaming, “DON’T FORGET TO SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON!”. Even though these people in general are much more blatant in their narcissism and need for external validation, we all exhibit the same qualities one way or another to a lesser extent.
I made this website in hopes that someone will actually read it and take something from it. When you sneeze you hope someone says, “bless you”. When you do a favor for a friend you hope that they see you as a better person. When you buy your girlfriend chocolates on Valentines Day you hope she fucks you. It’s the way of the world, and it’s almost human nature to look at even the simplest interactions as an almost subconscious bargaining system. Now, try to imagine a world where people simply do things because it reflects their core values, and they have so much self love that they act on those positive values with no expectation of getting anything in return. That is exactly the kind of world and way of thinking that German philosopher, Immanuel Kant envisioned.
The key to true happiness has already been found and solved. The problem is, it’s one of the hardest ways of thinking to adopt. Turning off that part of your brain that expects a reward for everything you do is an extremely difficult feat to achieve. In order to do, without hoping, requires a deep understanding of yourself, what you value, and self love. Although hope is extremely powerful when used correctly, being able to live life in a way that you can live without it, yet still not feel like a miserable pile of shit, is a more optimal path to self fulfillment than any self help book is going to give you.
I’m not at that point yet, I have a long way to go. But I think if everyone can make a conscious effort every day to adopt this mentality, we can all learn to not only love and respect those around us, but ourselves as well. Self love is an extremely difficult thing to obtain, because we are our own worst critics. We can read only our own minds, and sometimes our minds are mean as hell to us. Live life hoping for nothing in return, and as a result, receive everything